Sittin' On Santa... Not a Family Tradition.

This kid... Stock photo that I found on google.
Note: Real beard :-)

As I scroll through my Facebook, I am beginning to see all the wonderful kiddos sitting on Santa's lap.  I first want to say that Brock and I have NOTHING against this tradition.  And I really do enjoy seeing the kids and how they have grown since the previous year.

I realized also, that we do not have any pictures of our kids with Santa and I am ok with this.  If you read my previous post about Family Traditions you got a peek into the deliberation and contemplations that have occurred over the years within our family.  This was another tradition that we discussed both through the lens of our own upbringings and through our belief system.  I personally, do not remember sitting on Santa's lap and found out from my two older siblings when I was rather young that Santa was not real.  So this tradition did not hold much value for me.

If I remember correctly, we decided that we didn't want to actively seek out a Santa for our son to get his picture taken.  We also REALLY did not want to pay-to-play.  We work very hard for our money, attempt to spend it wisely, pay off debt as quickly as possible, and not spend on unnecessary items.  And the one opportunity that did arise for a free shot at the red suited man's lap was outside after sunset nearing H's bedtime.  That first year H was 10 months old and it was cold outside.

Risk a melt down to have our baby sit on a strange man's lap after standing in line in the cold for the chance to do something that he doesn't understand and won't remember?  OR Skip the entire idea for the year and see what happens when he is almost 2 the following year. 

A few parts of me arose in the decision making process that night:
1. I'm selfish and I wanted to go home and not deal with a cranky kid.
2. I did not want to occupy my 10 month old for 15 min in line for a semi decent picture with a Santa that may or may not have a real beard (We take beard's serious in our home - Have you seen Brock's.  Real is the only way to go if you are going to visit a Santa). :-P
3. I did not want to deal with throwing H off his schedule any more than necessary.
4. I did not really want to sit him on a strangers lap and potentially have him melt down/freak out/refuse and have wasted the time.

So in the grand scheme of Santa Sittin', we have never participated.  Brock and I have more fully formed our view of Santa, who we believe was a real person in the form of St. Nickolas. We have not directly told the kids about Santa (who he is, what he does) but it is unavoidable. So we have chosen to be honest with our children.  We have explained to H that Santa is not a real person.  We have also explained that we do not tell this to others as we do not want to take the mystery/magic/gift of Santa away from others.  This is not a loving thing to do.  We have not removed Santa from our home either.  We have a few Christmas decorations of Santa that we enjoy and movies that involve him each year.

Instead, We teach our kids that we celebrate Christmas as it is the time of year that Jesus was born. We read through our kids Bible with them and celebrate advent which is a time to be patient and wait on Jesus' return.  We teach them that Jesus is real as are all of the stories in the Bible. We have just as many, if not more, ornaments that reference Jesus than Santa. And as the years continue we likely will not add to the Santa collection. We want to make sure that H and R grasp the reason for Christmas and not get caught up in all of the commercialized aspects of the holiday.

And so to the parents who do seek out a Santa sitting sessions to make the season magical for your kiddos, I say well done.  Keep blessing them and raising them with love and kindness.  You are a great parent and keep up the amazing work you do each day.

To the parents out there that have landed in Brock and I's ball park where Santa is not a Family Tradition; what are your reason's for not seeking a Santa sitting session? What do you teach your kiddos? How did you reach the decision?  I'm truly curious to know so leave a comment, shoot us a message, or respond the easiest way you know how.

Praying you are all Warm and Well Fed in this Season of Celebration.
Blessings
BWM~ Corie

PS - We don't do Elf on the shelf either but I'm so amazed by the creativity,  commitment, and effort you all put into it.  I find the different scene's to be hysterical. Well, Done! Thanks for making me giggle. Honestly, I think sometimes this is more so the parents can have fun than it is for the kids. :-)

Family Traditions?

Disclaimer: Admittedly this is a longer one but hey it's good stuff and you get more of our story so take a peak.... I dare you! And besides I go back to work Tuesday so you might not hear from me for  a while.

As many of us wrap up Thanksgiving and dive into the Christmas Season, I am positive that we are all completely busy and trying to cram even more events into the schedule.  Not to mention the disruptions that the holidays cause such as the extra shopping, kids being out of school and parents still working, seasonal jobs, overtime (which I am about to jump back into on Tuesday after I get my sea legs re-established), some companies slowing down and vacations.  Let's be honest this time of year can be chaotic and stressful to say the very least.

Yet, here I am contemplating Family Traditions (and taking time to write out my thoughts when I should be folding laundry).  Where are your priorities Corie?!?!?  Keep reading I promise I am going somewhere with this and laundry can wait.

When Brock and I were first married we struggled to really define what OUR family traditions were going to be.  For so long we were the son/daughter and brother/sister.  Now we were Husband and Wife.  Many years we would discuss what our family of origins did during the holidays.  We talked about old memories; opening can after can of worms of emotions. Sentences began: Yes, I loved.... I hated.... My mom and dad always did.... We traveled... One year we did... I never want to do this because.... We HAVE to do this because....

We have also spent many years "invading" our friends homes to see and experience what other families did for Holidays.  We asked questions and talked more about what we liked and did not like.  Somehow, we still did not really have any defined "Lusch Family Traditions."

As I look back at those early years, I have to consider a few factors.  We were married in 2007.  I was 22, Brock 25 and we were both wrapping up our college careers.  I went on to complete a masters degree and we knew that kids were not in the cards during those days.  So when the holidays rolled around it was EASY to just pack up the car, bring the little dog, drive several hours and spend time with our families of origin.

What brings me to this moment today?  Three little beings:
Rose (Our 2010 miscarriage)
Hezekiah - 2013
Ruby - 2015

It wasn't until H, that traditions really started becoming heavier on our hearts. It's amazing what adding a little human so dependent upon you to teach them EVERYTHING will do. Those Parenting Lens that invisibly build up over your corneas change the way you look at EVERYTHING.

And just like the Parenting Lens and Life Stages that change, grow, form; so too do the Family Traditions begin to solidify.  This was my realization tonight.  In the early years we were somewhat lost because it was just us and visiting family was our tradition even though that was clearly not what we wanted long term.  Now that we have a home and kids some family traditions sneak in while others are firmly/intentionally planted.

Our family is growing up. H will be 5 in less than 3 months and R is 2.  They are sponges.  Brock and I are the water meant to keep them nourished, safe, and giving them tools to build up a firm foundation so that one day they will be adults able to leave our home confident and equipped. Much of what we teach them is based on our beliefs that Jesus is the Christ and that the Bible is true.   I know that not everyone reading this will have the same view points but we all have reasons for why we parent the way that we do.

So this year we have developed 2 new family traditions both rather by happy accident.

Our first: out of the prompting of a photo shoot and craft day at our church.  (I have a deep desire to craft/create in multiple facets, hello writing is one of them :-))  So we indulged and came home with a Thankfulness tree. We simply painted a tree on poster-board, cut some leaves, took it home and each day at dinner we would each add a leaf. Brock even got creative a few days later and added a turkey as an envelope holder for our leaf reserves.  The kids constantly asked to add leaves to the tree and we were having conversations about what and why they were thankful.  It was a wonderful blessing to see them excited.  As the days past, the tree filled out.  As guests entered our home we encouraged them to add leaves. And then Thanksgiving past and we began to transition the decor to Christmas.

Hezekiah was upset, borderline angry, that we took down the Thankfulness Tree.  It was evident that he really loved the activity and did not want to give it up. What's a parent to do...

Our second: Welcome the Blessing Tree.  Very similar concept.  I have painted a Christmas tree, complete with star. And we are now going to be "decorating" it will bulbs and lights.  Each will get an individual's name, a families name, or group that we will be praying for that day.  I am positive this will continue to teach our children to think outside of themselves (reducing selfishness), encourage them to consider others, let them lead prayer, teach them how to pray, and hopefully make this a long term habit once the visual reminders are no longer in place.  This is also a great reminder for Brock and I to pray for others whom are not normally on our radar.

I am confident that H will again be disappointed when this activity is put away until 2018.  I am already thinking about ways to tap into a New Years/winter theme as well as something for Spring.  I'm looking around the house for a place to relocate the permanent frame that was previously hanging in the position and excited to see where my growing children and Jesus lead our family next in this adventure of Parenthood.



What are some of your Family Traditions?  Have you struggled with this in the past? Brock and I would love to hear about them.  Post a comment below or on Facebook.
Signing Off,
BWM

PS: Note that my art work is far from perfect.  I quote a very good friend who told me yesterday, "It is better to be done instead of perfect."  My response to her was, "my kids won't see or remember perfect."

Praying you are encouraged.

Making Changes to Avoid the Rage Monster...

BW Mama Here once again.

After my post last night and a really sore foot today; I realized a few things.
1. I miss writing. (I completed a masters in 2012.)
2. It was really cathartic.
3. I like words.
4. It helps me process.

Brock and I have an amazing marriage and parent in similar ways (however it is far from perfect). Often times we balance one another and challenge each other when we see a parenting move that needs changed or improved.  This has happened quite frequently as of late.

In the past few months we have been struggling.

Hezekiah (Hez a Ki ah) our 4yo is driving us nuts and to points of frustration pushing the brink of rage. Rage is not an emotion that should be unleashed on any child and yet they somehow draw it out of normally even keel adults. It is some crazy awful result of parent/child relationship that is triggered by many different things such as lack of communications skills, listening ability, or just simply personality differences.

H is a very smart, articulate, at times manipulative, and energetic amazing boy. He loves serving, spending time with family, doing chores, playing with/caring for his sister and so much more. Oh and TALKING ALL THE TIME!!! He gets that from Brock. We love him deeply. We are very blessed to have him as our son.

And yet he pulls out the rage in both of us at different times.  Again, he doesn't deserve the rage that boils out from deep within.  It comes from a combination of emotions: pure wits end, anger that the kid isn't does what you want, annoyance that you have had the same interaction for the millionth time, frustration of not knowing how to get through, hitting the brick wall over and over and over again. 

Personally, I hate the rage monster within and I am the only one who can control it.  I have to chose a different avenue/response. With enough pursuit, I will conquer this monster. Before I can, I am going to be humble before my son, repent, and ask for his forgiveness for all the times I have let the rage control me. And talk to him about how to work together to make things better for our entire family.

The rage monster is commonly triggered during meal time: How do you get a 4 yo to eat a meal (that he likes, that he chose) in a reasonable amount of time 30-60 min max. How do you get them to obey, stop talking, and eat their food.

We have tried so much and nothing seems to work. Currently, we set time limits, take away the food, take away privileges, and we are attempting to NOT use Nap and Bedtime routines as punishment/reward as that is a hard enough time of day why stack the deck against ourselves.

So Brock and I literally took 10 minutes to discuss what to do next. Here is what we have come up with. Since our current methods are not working and seem inconsistent between Brock, myself, and lets be honest the time of day/situation. We have to find a way to do discipline better.

So our action steps:

1. We are going to have a family meeting. With the help of H, we are going to write out the expectations for mealtime, listening and obeying, and any other problem areas that we can think of during the meeting. If the expectations are not met, then the consequence will result. ex: time out, activity taking away etc. If the expectations are met, stickers earned. Earn enough stickers get a "big" treat TBD. 

Side benefit - when the child does get in trouble the family rules take the hit not "mean Mama and Papa"

2. We are setting up a new reward system in the form of a sticker chart. While this is a simple idea we have not used it in our home up to this point, however, in a two minute interaction at church H responded really well to this technique for memorizing scripture.


Hopefully, these small changes will show great progress. We would love to hear your thoughts on our changes and if you have any ideas please share. 

After all, we really have no clue what we are doing and it is all trial and error. #Parenting
Hope you are warm and well fed.

BWMama Signing off for now.

P.S. - I will attempt to remember to post pictures of our chart/rules once they are complete or ask Brock to do so.

BW Mama's Thank You...

On 10/10/2017 I went under the knife to have an accessory navicular removed from my right foot. 

Ok, Wait. I should probably introduce myself a bit before unfolding my story as I know there are several new people hanging out with my Beloved husband Brock.

My name is Corie and I am the bread winning Mama half of this blog.  I will more than likely be the strong somewhat visible cheerleader support system behind my amazing husband who raises our two beautifully, fantastically, frustrating, curious, make your heart melt, little beings we call offspring.

I work full time in the financial industry and I thrive is the work environment.  I am an introvert at heart and I have always told my husband that I would never make a good stay at home mama.  I need forced, consistent interaction and intellectual challenges to keep me motivated/sane/healthy/sharp/engaged(not sure what the best word is there but all apply).  If I had to be a SAHM, I would fall into the pits of depression, our home would be a disaster, and I would resent my husband as he would get to leave the house each day to interact with adults.  So last year when multiple doors were closing Brock stepped up in a GIANT way to love me and our kids and became a stay at home dad.  (Our kids call him Papa.)  This decision was made easier by two other contributing factors: a. Brock from the beginning of our marriage has said "I wouldn't mind being a SAHD" and b. my income was significantly better and I was better suited in my position to advance than he was.

All of this is say we have been enjoying our new roles since March and it has been touch as the transitions continue.  It is also very exciting to see my husband daily raising our kiddos.  I am thankful they are with him!  Brock is an extrovert and has to be in community even if those people are complete strangers (not for long).

So I digress back to surgery.  You are probably thinking what the H*88 is an accessory navicular.  Basically, I had an extra bone connected to the large tendon going from the inside of my right foot up my leg and it was painful.  The doc took it out (The Kidner Procedure) and for the past 7 weeks I have been in a plaster splint and 2 different casts; unable to walk, crutching or knee scooting everywhere I went, being chauffeured around whenever necessary, and an emotional ball of basket case/cabin fever/captive.  My Beloved, now had to take care of 2yo, 4yo, and gimp wifey on short term disability.

Brock, also, has been babysitting a 1yo and 3yo on Tuesday and Thursday's for a bit of extra income. Driving Uber whenever possible to gain income and have a break from the 3 needies at home.
Working diligently to get our blog back up and running.
Organized meet up's for Dad's.
Bible study each week, serving at church, leader of our family.
Late night ER run because the 4yo cut his lip on the floor (don't ask-3 stitches)
And lets not forget the millions of loads of laundry, dishes, meals cooked, and items that he has brought me because well I straight up couldn't walk.

My Beloved is AMAZING to say the very least. So Why do I tell you all of this?

As the one who leaves the house every day to go to my job, I understand that Brock's JOB is raising Hezekiah and Ruby and he doesn't get the clock off EVER!  I am beyond grateful to my Beloved for his willingness to do all that he does without complaint.  I told him recently that I go to meetings for my job and if the opportunity arose I would travel as well.  Brock deeply desires to be able to go to DadCon and Dad 2.0 etc. I see the passion in his eyes, hear it in his voice. I know his disappointment when I tell him that the budget just doesn't work with traveling.

This is what makes me more determined to make it work. I deeply LOVE (agape) my Beloved and want to at a drop of any mention to say yes.  So that is what I did recently.  Highjacked his facebook, talked to some powers that be, searched for and booked a flight and said you ARE traveling for YOUR JOB. It is a gift that I will not get to see enjoyed in person but know Brock will return to me filled up, energized, encouraged, and he will talk my leg off for a week about his "work travels."  He will learn new skills, meet people in person that he has connected with via social media (thank you technology) and experience a new city. I can't wait!

And soon enough, the shoe will be on the other foot as I will be caring for Brock after he has some medical concerns taken care of.  I pray I am as patient with him as he was with me.

I am deeply thankful to City Dad's Group for the support they have given my husband.
Thankful, to the local Dad's who somehow got connect to my crazy Red Bearded guy.
Thankful, to the one SAHD we knew before ever considering making this reality (David).
Thankful, for our church and all of the support they have given.
And Thankful most of all to Jesus for the guidance in all we do.

Brock, I love you and am thankful I get to do this crazy thing called life by your side. I wouldn't have it any other way. 

If you made it through to this point... Thanks for reading.  Many Blessings. 
Until Next time.
BWMama
Corie-ander

Board Games are not what they used to be....

     

Last Wednesday there was a meeting of kids and Dads in Northern Kentucky at the house of a very cool dad in the Nerd World. Andy is a Stay At Home Dad of two very energetic little boys. They are all about having fun and during the warmer months can be found out on playgrounds and trails leaving all in the dust who try to follow. But in the colder months the collection of Andy's board games becomes king. See he has a wall of board games that would make most fall to their knees in worship. I myself love a good game of ticket to ride or Catan, but this collection goes much deeper than those games. He has some grew games for kids that have already hit my list of games I want to buy for my kids. Even though I grew up in the days of candyland, shoots and ladders and trouble I am finding that the games that are less of a board and more of dice and imagination and strategy that will also help to shape some great memories.

At the event on Wednesday there were 4 kids that ranged from ages 3-6 and their dads and we all had a blast playing games like Feed the Kitty, Flickem' Up, Animals upon Animals and the classic Hungry, Hungry Hippos. In between those games the kids would break away to the play room downstairs allowing the dads a chance to have some adult conversations about our lives.

     
                  

The next big event going on will be at the William Howard Taft Art museum. We were invited to come down on Dec.7th for an arts and crafts time from 11:15am-12:15pm. If you are interested in join check out the meet up event page.
https://www.meetup.com/CincinnatiDadsGroup/events/245271854/ 

Cincinnati Dads Have a New Meetup!

Hello Dads of Cincinnati, Northern Kentucky and Dayton welcome to the only all inclusive dads group. We are made up of Straight dads, Single Dads, Gay Dads and Trans Dads who are looking for ways to meet up and have a good time, whether that be with the kids in toe or just a Dads Night Out (DNO).

We schedule meet up on the platform
https://www.meetup.com/CincinnatiDadsGroup/ which everyone is encouraged to sign up and join, it costs nothing to join a group and you will only get an email when an event it set up. We also have a closed group on Facebook and there are Instagram and Twitter accounts that can be followed.

This blog will be a place to find great conversations about what is going on in the group and also will be a partnership writing project that will be contributed upon by my Bread Winning Mama aka my Wife. Who without her this would not even be a possibility. To be a Stay at Home Dad and Organizer of this Group of Dads is something that I have had great interest and with the help of many dads was able to launch this group.

Teaching the Incredible Hulk!

Over these past few weeks I have been disillusioned to to how I thought being a SAHD was going to be.

I had in my mind this idea of going places, teaching them things as we go about our day and time to get things done both around the house and little projects (like fixing my motorcycle and lawn mower).

Really all I feel like I have accomplished is the ability stay on top of laundry,dishes and go on walks with the kids. Oh course keep the kids a live and away from serious injury. But, I also feel like I find myself having trouble with control of my emotions.


I feel like my level of calm, cool and collective has drawn to an unbelievable low level. I turn into the Hulk and see myself as more of this guys who is not able to control my emotions when the kids either don't do what I think they should know how to do because they have been told to do it before.

I know that Hezekiah especially is a very smart kid. I mean yesterday he was riding his bike and I told him he needed to wear his helmet. He told me he did not want to wear it. I told him that it was important to wear it while riding his bike and that is why papa wears his helmet. He says "Well then I don't want to ride my bike". I was frustrated because I knew he only said that because he did not want to follow the rules. This made me furious because he had been pushing my buttons all day and this was the tipping point. I told him well since you are only saying this because you don't want to follow the rules you are going to wear this helmet for the rest of the time we are outside so that you can get used to your helmet and learn to follow the rules. My blood was boiling while I was telling him this and afterwards I felt like I was just the mean ole dad who does not know how to control his emotions. I apologized for my outburst cause it was unwarranted, but he also needed to know that he was in the wrong for his actions but I was no better for my own actions.

Today is a new day and I have told myself that I WILL take a breathe before reacting to frustrating situations. In no way do I was my kids to view me as some person who is able to fly off the handle and lose his grip on being level headed to frustration. H is great at bringing me back to center with this when he will ask me after I have yelled at him. He says "papa, are you sorry for growling at me?" to which I realize, wow, I did do that and that is what I had told H he was not to do when he is frustrated.

Kids are great at being that mirror that forces you to look into and see that you are broken and need a focused life on the Savior. Failure to do this is a failure to teach our kids how they should be functioning in situations they come into contact with.

 

I write all this as my kids sit in the living room on the love seat peacefully playing together while looking at books and listening to music. They really are great kids who are super easy it is my messed up self that is making this more difficult than it needs to be.