How to Respond to a Stay at Home Parent

With the upcoming release of the Incredibles 2 movie, I have been talking to people about how Mr. Incredible will be portrayed in his role as a stay at home dad, while ElastiGirl is out saving the day. This lead me to reflect on my personal interactions with others and the responses I have received when they hear "I am a stay at home dad."

The Scene: While out and about you meet a new person and you start talking about life and maybe even kids. Chit-chatting along then the inevitable question: "Where do you work?" or "What do you do for a living?" And of course the response: "I am stay at home mom/dad/parent."  The new acquaintance usually responds with the classic "Well, that must be nice to not have to go to work everyday." And there is the demoralizing statement about their work, that a stay at home dad cannot be seen as care giver to children, yet this would not be the reaction if this were a stay at home mom.

The response by those who are negative towards men staying home with the kids, have great impact. They are very discouraging and enraging to those how have taken on this role for the betterment of our family. Dads are just as qualified to care for their children as mom and as a stay at home dad and member of the National Stay at Home Dad Network, I have heard first hand stories from others about the responses they have received and have read about other dads going through this same situation.

Let me just say that if you meet a stay at home dad who is out with their kids whether it be at a store, park, zoo or any other public place understand a couple of things. First, the dad that you have just met is first and for most a human being. If you are a mother at the park please do not treat him as invisible, a creeper who you think is hitting on you by talking with you because their kid is playing with your kid. Be a grown adult and have a conversation. Oh and if you are a group of moms having a play date at the park and a dad and his kids come to the same place please don't round up the strollers and shun him and his kid because you have decided that because they are not part of your pack the they might cause some kind of devision. These are sad and real situations that dads deal with on a regular basis do to close mindedness. The second thing is the response, "Oh it must be nice", which is usually followed by "I would love to not go to a 9-5 job and get to spend the whole day watching cartoons and playing at the park". Some people even think that stay at home dads are lazy and just sit around a play video games all day long. Yeah right, its nice being at home all day with our kids(insert sarcasm). Not always, this job is by far the toughest job I have ever taken on. I am up by 7am maybe 8am if I am lucky, I get up and more times than not I am fixing the kids breakfast, putting in a load of laundry and then hopefully putting on some coffee for me and getting my breakfast together. When I was working, I would get up, my wife and I would work together to get the kids up and around and I would have all my things and leave for the day before my wife as she would drop them off at day care. See the difference? But I chose this lifestyle for our family because I see the importance of having a parent at home and we have the ability to make it happen. So yeah it all sounds nice right? Well, let me also point out that there are dads who stay at home because they have medical issues whether they be mental or physical that keep them from holding a job in the workforce. The background and reason these dads are staying at home should not matter to someone when they find this out because it is really non of their business. That is between the dad and the mother of the children and her confidence in him being able to help with the kids while mom is off at her 40 plus hour a week job bringing home the bacon to provide the necessary funds to feed, cloth and shelter the whole family. 

So in conclusion be a kind human being next time you are around a stay at home parent. And if you are a parent yourself remember we are all walking down the same path of life trying to raise our kids to be the best they can be. Lead by example and treat those dads you come into contact with as Men who have taken on a great role in their family that has typically been held by mom's for decades but with the great progression this country is experience is now allowing women to further their careers and giving dads the chance to step up and be a more active part of their kids lives.

Reflections during a Sick Day.

Bread Winning Mama, Corie, here.

 Today, I stayed home from work as I battle with migraines and this one just won't kick the bucket. It is one of those migraine days that I know if I drove, it would only get worse and then not safe for me to drive back home.  Work would be a complete struggle and everyone would be better served by me remaining home. So, this morning I am just enjoying the company of my family while listening to the steady rain and attempting to get a few of those "pushed off" little tasks done that I just have not had time for.  It is also a recovery day so relaxing and letting my body/head heal are important.

Migraines have been a battle of mine for decades and it is not easy. My entire family is affected.  I am actively seeking treatment but nothing seems to help.  If you suffer from these then you know what it is like. Seeking treatment is just as exhausting as the actual migraines and can lead to just wanting to give up. So that is my minor soap box for the moment.

Today, I am just trying to not let the pain of the migraine distract me from enjoying the little blessings of life.  As my kiddos play peacefully today with blocks and magformers, I have to reflect and say "thank you Jesus for children who get along, play quietly and truly do love each other."

Many times these young ones drive me crazy or I lose my temper with them which they don't deserve.  Then I remember these moments of peace and beauty.  Ruby at 2.5 is counting correctly on her own with little prompting to get it correct. H, at 5.5, is already reading and memorizing Bible verses.   They make each other giggle and help each other when they need it.

And I love that they are playing with the simple things and do not need technology to entertain them.

Ruby, in particular is just as sweet as can be.  She will snuggle with me when I feel awful. She has begun playing in imaginative ways. Cooking food, making tea, being nurturing toward her stuffed animals and babies. It is so sweet to see her growing up. I am proud that she is my girl and I am her Mama.  She jumps in to help without being asked.  My prayer is that these little attributes will continue all the days of her life. And then she says, "Hulk Smash" and chases after her brother.

H, has been a challenge as he is getting bigger, pushing his boundaries, testing the water as to what he can and cannot do.  He is also very helpful, loves serving, setting the table and doing all of the chores with us. I love seeing his heart as well.

And they listen, MOST of the time. These moments are so good to have as it reminds me that Brock and I are raising them to be amazing adults one day.  I don't want to fast forward but just be present and to see all of the sweetness of their current ages. I don't get a lot of days like this since I am usually "working in the coal mine, going down down down..."

To all those readers, I say don't miss the sweet moments, the joy, the love. And call out the attributes that are good in your kids to build them up, bless them, and encourage them to grow.

It's hard being a parent and worth every moment. So take heart all you who are weary and remember those moments of joy and peace.