Build a Bear, Worth your Time or Waste of Time?

July 12, 2018 will go down as one of the craziest days in retail history for 2018 until Black Friday comes around. However this event was unlike many had ever witnessed before since the Furby. When it was announced early in the week that there was going to be a one day pay your age at Build a Bear and you could choose any stuffie in the store it was highly appealing. The issue was going to be how early were people going to show up and how long would you have to wait in line with kids in toe and would they last the time in line. I only live about 15mins from the nearest store so I figured I would not need to get up to early but went into this with the plan that I would bring snacks and the Ipad for the kids and if attitudes from either them or myself got bad we would pull the plug because I wanted this to be a fun memory.

The morning starts like any other day with breakfast and getting dressed and we headed out to the mall. We arrived to the Kenwood Towne Centre Mall at 9:15am and the line was already wrapped around the section of the mall by the store and we were across from the store but on the other side (after talking to those in front of me it was noted that people started showing up at 8am which is when the Mall doors opened up for walkers). We settled in and the kids started asking what we were doing so I explained that we were there to get a special stuffie and that everyone else was here for the same things. I also told them that this would take some time and we would have to be patient. My kids who are 2.5 and 5 years old said ok and so I began the wondering if this would workout. We had a few moments at the beginning where the kids were getting used to the idea of standing and waiting to move a few feet at a time. About 30mins into standing there my son says he needs to go potty. I thought this could be interesting and as I turned to talk to the mom behind me she speaks up and with a smile says she will move my stroller up to hold my spot and we run off to do a quick potty break and pull up change for the kids and myself.

This simple act of kindness is what I was hoping would be the atmosphere. We as parents were here to do something special for our kids that many would find to be crazy. Some would even ask why would you put your kids through this but honestly if the parents were calm about the situation and were keeping things fun for the kids what is the big deal with being there. The rest of the time the conversations with the parents around us were great and we had just as much fun talking to each other as the kids had playing with each other.

As the minutes turned into half hours which turned into hours there was the thought of how we were going to keep these little ones happy because snacks were starting to disappear quickly, but out of no where to the rescue came this sweet little old lady from the food court down stairs. It was an employee of Chick-fil-A who came up with chicken nuggets in little boxes for the kids and the parents were so happy and the kids were super excited. It was an amazing blessing that a company would take the time during there busy lunch time to come up and feed the masses when they could have very well just stayed to their course. At this point we were in line for about 3 hours and we were seeing that we were about 3 or 4 store fronts from the promise land.

Then the most unusual thing happened a Build a Bear worker emerged from the crowd and started talking to those in line with an opportunity to take a $15 voucher and if you accepted you would have to leave the mall and could come back later to claim your bear. There were a few who took this gesture because their kids were just spent and they were at least getting something for their time but it was not enough for many. About 45 mins later the same worker comes back and offers that if you want to go in pick out an animal and come back later to stuff it you were welcome to skip the line and go right in. This was the offer that me and many of those around us were waiting for because we did not care about the stuffing experience. It was a much better idea to come back when there was not mass hysteria. So we said yes to the offer and walked past what seemed like a couple hundred people who look at us in disbelief and a little disgust but we had prevailed in our game plan. We went in the kids picked out their animals (Skye from Paw Patrol for my daughter and Eevee from Pokemon for my son) and we are out in 10mins. We took at picture of our victory before we left and headed home happy and excited. The kids had big smiles and excitement in their voices to be getting to come back later.

Through all this experience I was talking to my friends on social media about what was taking place and many of them were saying that it was crazy to put the kids through this. That this was just a waste and their time was worth more to them but everyone has there reasons for doing taking part in this event. For me it was a chance to do something a little crazy and see how the kids would react. They were in no harm and to often these days kids are being taught instant gratification. My kids learned that when you in a line for something it might not go the speed you think and that patience is the only thing to rely on. Plus we are a one income family so we saved $50 and they know that they get to go have the full filling experience of filling there stuffies, with the bonus being that Mama gets to come this time because we can go when she is off work. So slow your role when you want to quickly judge why parents were a part of the pandemonium of a cheap stuffed animal. For my family it was a good time with a great lesson on patience and I am thankful that the crowds at our location were calm compared to many around the country.  

Feeling Like a Roommate...

Every so often (because seasons come and seasons go) Brock or I will say...

"I'm feeling like a roommate." 

We have been married for 11 years now and marriage is WORK.  I can unequivocally say that I love my husband more today than I did when we professed our vows to one another, but lets face it.  Life is busy. We have different hobbies, passions, and yes even different friends. There are seasons when due to all the crazy schedules of work, church, kids friends, fun around the city, City Dads Group we just end up feeling like ships passing in the night. "Hey, roommate? How ya doing?"

This for us is a queue that we need to refocus some of our attention and schedule back away from outward focus to being more inward focus on connecting in our marriage. Basically, because of all the craziness, we have put our relationship on the back burner and now it is time to give the stew a good stir, add in some ingredients, mix things up.

Many times, the conversation centers around things that we have not done in a while (date night, connecting about where each other is in our walk with Jesus, things we would like to see/do, being intentional, and yes sometimes simply saying "we haven't had sex recently, aka: a week or so).  

Usually, doing something small to make one other feel just a bit more special/loved does the trick to get us out of the Roommate funk and back to the marriage we enjoy.  Sometimes it is as easy as having a really good night of love making.  Other times it means that we need to get our creative juices flowing, look at the budget (both financial and time) and come up with a great date or weekend away.  Having two kids, a dog, and the house means that fighting for time for us is HARD!

But we DO IT! Because before we ever said, I think I could marry you we had a conversation about Divorce not being in our vocabulary. The only exit plan for our marriage is if one of us dies. That was our agreement. 

So we make time.  The roommate feelings are extinguished, connections restored, and we continue.  We are never surprised when it comes around again as we just know it is a part of life. Rather, it is what you do when you have those feelings that dictates where the next season will take your marriage.

My encouragement to you when you have these seasons are as follows:

1. Talk about your thoughts/feelings with your Spouse!  If you don't, nothing will change.

2. Take initiative yourself to change. Don't expect your spouse to do it.

Plan the date, prep the bedroom for marital fun, get a babysitter, book that favorite restaurant, take a trip, go to a play, concert, movie... DO SOMETHING to reconnect.

3. Expect these seasons but don't create them intentionally.

4. Work on your marriage together! The longer you are together the more it will change and grow because I am not the 22 year old who said I do and neither is our marriage one of inexperience anymore.

5. Remember to have fun. 

I hope you all find this helpful and encouraging.

Many Blessings

BWM Corie

#KeepingItReal #Blessed #LoveMyHusband #WorthIt #GottaTakeMyOwnAdvise #TimeForADate 

How to Respond to a Stay at Home Parent

With the upcoming release of the Incredibles 2 movie, I have been talking to people about how Mr. Incredible will be portrayed in his role as a stay at home dad, while ElastiGirl is out saving the day. This lead me to reflect on my personal interactions with others and the responses I have received when they hear "I am a stay at home dad."

The Scene: While out and about you meet a new person and you start talking about life and maybe even kids. Chit-chatting along then the inevitable question: "Where do you work?" or "What do you do for a living?" And of course the response: "I am stay at home mom/dad/parent."  The new acquaintance usually responds with the classic "Well, that must be nice to not have to go to work everyday." And there is the demoralizing statement about their work, that a stay at home dad cannot be seen as care giver to children, yet this would not be the reaction if this were a stay at home mom.

The response by those who are negative towards men staying home with the kids, have great impact. They are very discouraging and enraging to those how have taken on this role for the betterment of our family. Dads are just as qualified to care for their children as mom and as a stay at home dad and member of the National Stay at Home Dad Network, I have heard first hand stories from others about the responses they have received and have read about other dads going through this same situation.

Let me just say that if you meet a stay at home dad who is out with their kids whether it be at a store, park, zoo or any other public place understand a couple of things. First, the dad that you have just met is first and for most a human being. If you are a mother at the park please do not treat him as invisible, a creeper who you think is hitting on you by talking with you because their kid is playing with your kid. Be a grown adult and have a conversation. Oh and if you are a group of moms having a play date at the park and a dad and his kids come to the same place please don't round up the strollers and shun him and his kid because you have decided that because they are not part of your pack the they might cause some kind of devision. These are sad and real situations that dads deal with on a regular basis do to close mindedness. The second thing is the response, "Oh it must be nice", which is usually followed by "I would love to not go to a 9-5 job and get to spend the whole day watching cartoons and playing at the park". Some people even think that stay at home dads are lazy and just sit around a play video games all day long. Yeah right, its nice being at home all day with our kids(insert sarcasm). Not always, this job is by far the toughest job I have ever taken on. I am up by 7am maybe 8am if I am lucky, I get up and more times than not I am fixing the kids breakfast, putting in a load of laundry and then hopefully putting on some coffee for me and getting my breakfast together. When I was working, I would get up, my wife and I would work together to get the kids up and around and I would have all my things and leave for the day before my wife as she would drop them off at day care. See the difference? But I chose this lifestyle for our family because I see the importance of having a parent at home and we have the ability to make it happen. So yeah it all sounds nice right? Well, let me also point out that there are dads who stay at home because they have medical issues whether they be mental or physical that keep them from holding a job in the workforce. The background and reason these dads are staying at home should not matter to someone when they find this out because it is really non of their business. That is between the dad and the mother of the children and her confidence in him being able to help with the kids while mom is off at her 40 plus hour a week job bringing home the bacon to provide the necessary funds to feed, cloth and shelter the whole family. 

So in conclusion be a kind human being next time you are around a stay at home parent. And if you are a parent yourself remember we are all walking down the same path of life trying to raise our kids to be the best they can be. Lead by example and treat those dads you come into contact with as Men who have taken on a great role in their family that has typically been held by mom's for decades but with the great progression this country is experience is now allowing women to further their careers and giving dads the chance to step up and be a more active part of their kids lives.

Reflections during a Sick Day.

Bread Winning Mama, Corie, here.

 Today, I stayed home from work as I battle with migraines and this one just won't kick the bucket. It is one of those migraine days that I know if I drove, it would only get worse and then not safe for me to drive back home.  Work would be a complete struggle and everyone would be better served by me remaining home. So, this morning I am just enjoying the company of my family while listening to the steady rain and attempting to get a few of those "pushed off" little tasks done that I just have not had time for.  It is also a recovery day so relaxing and letting my body/head heal are important.

Migraines have been a battle of mine for decades and it is not easy. My entire family is affected.  I am actively seeking treatment but nothing seems to help.  If you suffer from these then you know what it is like. Seeking treatment is just as exhausting as the actual migraines and can lead to just wanting to give up. So that is my minor soap box for the moment.

Today, I am just trying to not let the pain of the migraine distract me from enjoying the little blessings of life.  As my kiddos play peacefully today with blocks and magformers, I have to reflect and say "thank you Jesus for children who get along, play quietly and truly do love each other."

Many times these young ones drive me crazy or I lose my temper with them which they don't deserve.  Then I remember these moments of peace and beauty.  Ruby at 2.5 is counting correctly on her own with little prompting to get it correct. H, at 5.5, is already reading and memorizing Bible verses.   They make each other giggle and help each other when they need it.

And I love that they are playing with the simple things and do not need technology to entertain them.

Ruby, in particular is just as sweet as can be.  She will snuggle with me when I feel awful. She has begun playing in imaginative ways. Cooking food, making tea, being nurturing toward her stuffed animals and babies. It is so sweet to see her growing up. I am proud that she is my girl and I am her Mama.  She jumps in to help without being asked.  My prayer is that these little attributes will continue all the days of her life. And then she says, "Hulk Smash" and chases after her brother.

H, has been a challenge as he is getting bigger, pushing his boundaries, testing the water as to what he can and cannot do.  He is also very helpful, loves serving, setting the table and doing all of the chores with us. I love seeing his heart as well.

And they listen, MOST of the time. These moments are so good to have as it reminds me that Brock and I are raising them to be amazing adults one day.  I don't want to fast forward but just be present and to see all of the sweetness of their current ages. I don't get a lot of days like this since I am usually "working in the coal mine, going down down down..."

To all those readers, I say don't miss the sweet moments, the joy, the love. And call out the attributes that are good in your kids to build them up, bless them, and encourage them to grow.

It's hard being a parent and worth every moment. So take heart all you who are weary and remember those moments of joy and peace.

Raw Emotion Brings Pain and Insight!

The first quarter of the year has been a tough patch for my emotions. It started out on a high because I was going to be attending a conference in New Orleans titled Dad2.0 Summit. I had a great time there and it was a great experience. I walked away from it feeling energized and ready to start a new endeavor with a podcast I had been thinking about for awhile now.
After I got back from the event however I got sick and was knocked on my butt for about 2 weeks. Functioning at about 80% for that time and having both mental and physical hurdles to overcome made doing any blogging or podcast prep very difficult because the motivation was not there and the focus was unattainable.
~ As I have moved through the past few month things have seem to not really come up roses and rainbows. I have not been able to catch a ladder up, instead I have slid further down the shoot and have found myself battling not only depression but also anger.(Shoots and Ladders popped into my head) My anger has taken the form of not being able to be the father that my kids need and the husband that my wife deserves. My out bursts of anger have causes my son, who is my oldest to fear me when I raise my voice, when correcting him and it is a feeling that has kept me in peril. The last thing I want to do is scar my children with a version of me that is not my true self but, a part of me that can be fixed by me taming the rage monster inside me.
~ Along with these feelings I have also been entertaining an unhealthy level of thoughts that I am not a good father and that I am a weak husband. This has lead me to thinking that my fellow brothers in the Stay at Home Dad world will just respond to me me with, "I need to stop whining and figure it out" or "You chose this position in your family its time to stop getting so over taken by the rollercoaster of life and raising children" if I were to reach out to them and post this out loud.
~ I don't want to feel this way and I know that these are all lies but I have let them overtake me for too long. This is an outcry to say that I am done letting this happen. I will strive to make slower decisions and to forgive myself when I bring forth the wrong persona. I know that I am not the only parent that feels this way and I write all this to say that reaching out to those who are either in your situation or that can speak truth and encouragement into your life is a must. Throw your negative thoughts and emotions to the side and just be raw with those who you feel comfortable with and ignore those who are not helpful. I am so thankful to have outlets like my wife, my fellow SAHD brothers on Facebook groups like the National At Home Dads Network and off shoots of the group help to be able to have candid conversations and not have people who don't understand speak into the situations that come up as a stay at home dad.
~ As I finish this post I feel a little better knowing that I am getting it out of my head and that hopefully others will read this and know that they are not alone.

~ Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. ~

Confessions of a Stressed BWMama - Taking Care of a Sick Family

Note: Everyone is Healthy Now and this all took place a couple weeks ago.  I started writing this in the middle of all of that and well I was taking care of everyone else sooooo pardon the late posting date. 

Let's Get Real: I am stressed, tired, warn out and I have heard more coughs, "mama" uttered a million times, tears of exhaustion, and sighs from my hubs when I lose my patience. I have pushed vitamins, meds, hydration, and naps. Disinfected, washed all the bedding several times, cooked several pots of soup and other meals.

And I have been angry, short tempered, at the end of my rope. I have yelled and had a huge fight with my husband who is SICK with the flu.  I am a horrible sinner and in the moments when my family honestly deserves to have the BEST from me they have received some of my worst. 

Some of my stress is self-imposed and in those moments, I need to realize that I have to adjust my personal goals for the year (I have REALLY BIG realistic GOALS for myself and family) and be flexible.  I need to give myself some grace and breathe. 

This has been going on for a Month.  One, two, or all three of my loves have been sick with the flu or some other bug or cold.  It is just frustrating to say the least.  I have not been able to do my normal routine, as they have required more of me.

The main thing that I have not been able to do is go to church and Bible study.  Last Monday I was finally able to get back to Bible study and today I was able to go to church.

Ruby and I are healthy and so I got us ready, served Brock and H what they needed as they were both feeling horrible and headed out.  Our church is about 1 mile from our home and I had no concern leaving Brock.  I was able to chat with a few different people. Let several know about Brock's condition as they knew he wasn't well and then I settled in to send time with Jesus and learn more about his word.

I NEEDED THIS!

My faith and relationship is such a huge part of my life.  It is the main motivating factor to why I am who I am.  I wanted to share the song that was so impactful.  It has been my anthem this and my encouragement.  

Reckless Love By: Cory Asbury

[Verse 1]

Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me
You have been so, so good to me
Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me
You have been so, so kind to me
[Chorus]
O, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
O, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
O, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah
[Verse 2]
When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me
[Chorus]
O, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
O, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
O, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah
There's no shadow You won't light up
Mountain You won't climb up
Coming after me
There's no wall You won't kick down
Lie You won't tear down
Coming after me
There's no shadow You won't light up
Mountain You won't climb up
Coming after me
There's no wall You won't kick down
Lie You won't tear down
Coming after me
There's no shadow You won't light up
Mountain You won't climb up
Coming after me
There's no wall You won't kick down
Lie You won't tear down
Coming after me
There's no shadow You won't light up
Mountain You won't climb up
Coming after me
There's no wall You won't kick down
Lie You won't tear down
Coming after me

 

And if you have read this far... Here is my encouragement and the lesson that I learned:

1. GIVE YOURSELF GRACE!  It is not easy to be the one that is healthy is a house full of sickies.

2. Be flexible on the goals.  It is awesome to have big goals but sometimes life delays and people are more important than goals. 

3. Make sure you take care of yourself and find the peace.  

Papa is home from Dad2.0

My beautiful wife and mother of my children spend 3 days without me and in the process posted a great piece on her experience and insight of Dad2.0. I just wanted to take a moment and say that it is only by her taking time off at her busy job to come home and let me go was an incredible sacrifice. My wife loves our children very much but she is not a mom that likes to sit around and watch lots of children's shows like I love to do with this kids. She has an agenda while I was gone to accomplish with the kids.
1. She wanted to get our daughter of 2 yrs off her need for a pacifier. It had served its purpose and knew she was only holding onto it because we were allowing it. After talking a game plan through together she took to cutting the pacifier numbs off so that we Ruby woke up they were broke. She found them and brought them to Corie and they talked about it. She was sad and would point them out as broken but by the time I got home and she showed me, we asked her if she wanted to throw them away. After about a day I am happy to report that Ruby made her own choice to throw them in the trash. Success!!
2. She wanted to get on starting to plant our garden with a few starter trays of flowers and vegetables. When I came home this was also taken care of and we are on our way to having another successful planting and harvesting year.
The other things  we talked about did not happen and that was fine because the kids were coping with papa being gone and a little bit of sickness.
This was the first time I had been away from Corie and then kids for this length of time. She did great and gave me plenty of space to enjoy my time. We had a huge issue arise the very first day with money that caused some stress but she was my calming factor and we moved passed it (I will write in more detail in my full recap I am writing for later). I was not bothered to have to call to tell the kids good night any of the nights but I did make an effort to call Corie at the end of the for a few minutes.
In conclusion this trip showed us that we can function well as a family when I go to conference and that communication is still well established and not a burden but a very positive connection.
Keep a lookout for a future post when I release a short story of the entire experience of Dad2.0. 

Stay At Home Mama... Flying Solo in the Midst of Dad 2.0 Summit

A 4 Part Blog:

1: I'm Mushy and Not Sorry

By Beloved Brock has flown the coup and headed to New Orleans for the Dad 2.0 Summit.  There were a wealth of emotions before he actually left and now while he is away.  I absolutely HATE being states away as there are so many reasons and my heart is in his hands.  As I write this I am even getting a bit emotional as I just really want a snuggle and a sweet gentle kiss on my forehead.  To say I miss him is an extreme understatement.

2: What I'm currently in the middle of

I am so excited for Brock and all of the adventures, relationships, meetings, knowledge, and experiences he is currently enjoying.  I know that this brief separation will be a phenomenal blessing to our family, our city, and the Cincinnati Dad's Group.  So I just want to say THANK YOU to all of those spoiling/blessing/teaching my hubs some new things.  Just a couple I know of are: #KiaDad, Best Buy, and #RealStrength.

It is also a blessing to our kids and myself as we get to spend some quality time together.  As Bread Winning Mama, I am often away from home 60+ hours (actual work, commute, other activities and life) a week and that leaves very little dedicated time for me to spend with each of them.  So it is nice to remove the BWM "suit" (I don't actually wear a suit to work), relax into my Stay a Home Mama "jeans and T's," and just chill with my littles while they are still little.

Going into this weekend, I prepared myself with a few different tricks and wanted to make sure that I had a plan in my head (if not on paper as well) to help make things go smoothly for everyone.  Initially, I had thought about taking the time to really dig into potty training Ru (2 yo).  But the more I thought about it the more I didn't want to push it and she is 3000% stubborn...aka SHE doesn't want to do it yet. So, Nope.

I decided instead to just work on weaning her off of the PACI.  Really folks, she is 2 and doesn't "need" it but OH THE DRAMA.  My younger sister, works in a dentist office and gave me the idea that we could talk to her about if Paci is broken then we are going to have to throw it away and we cannot fix it.  We have 3 pacifiers in the house.  She only really uses one of them.  So yesterday, I cut the rubber piece off of one of them and showed it to her. Told her it was broken and we cannot fix it. Today, I did another while she was down for a nap. And I'm hoping that tomorrow after she wakes up I can do the last remaining one. And then we will forever be FREE of the paci. Hopefully, I will not regret this decision and Brock will not want to kill me for it later.  Fingers crossed. Pray for me.

3: The Weekend Thus Far

After the airport drop off we swung past our favorite local donut shop where we spent a good 10 minutes drooling over the sweet treats and deciding what to buy. Grabbed up some of their famous cookies and headed home for the morning.  We enjoyed half a donut a piece because I'm a smart Mama; split the spoils in half = less of a sugar rush now and the treat last 2x instead of just once = better likelihood of obedience in the longer term.  #winWinWIN.  The rest of the day was a bit of a wash as a migraine plagued me and it is difficult to function as a human let alone a parent when one of those EVIL MONSTERS arrives.  A friend unexpectedly brought over dinner, the kids refused to eat (they are not starving and had snacks earlier in the day), I refused to give them anything else; which meant PJ's and bedtime routine.  Before bed we played a couple rounds of Crazy 8's in which I needed to remind H how to be a good sport (Check out Brock's prior blog on Losing with Dignity).   It was a challenge as he was also pretty tired at that point. But bedtime went smoothly and their evening was done.    My HIGHLIGHT was a wonderful 20 minute call with my Beloved during which he shared some of his excitements with me.

He is doing an Amazing Job representing our Family and I couldn't be more pleased!

Today, I again got to do enjoy a special aspect of being a SAHM.  I took the kids to a free indoor (it was 16 degrees F) kids play area and meet one of my best friends, Leslie, with her two sons.  I am always refreshed and refilled when I get to spend time with her.  We talked about life, motherhood, nothing in general, and some really important revelations.  She had reached out previously to see if this was something that would work out and we very intentionally planned the time.  IT WAS PERFECT!  After that the kids and I headed to Lowe's as we need to start a few of our seeds for our spring garden and they didn't complain once.  We returned home, had lunch, sent Brock some silly pictures to make him smile. And then NAP TIME.

BLESSED NAP TIME... Which is how I have the ability and quiet to process and write.

This afternoon we are going to go celebrate another of my best friends; Nichole's LAST day of CHEMO!  I'm excited that I will get to take the kids.  I want them to understand that life is not always easy or fun but if you chose an attitude of praising/serving Jesus, being grateful, loving others, and choosing to be Joyful; it makes the hard stuff a whole lot easier.  Teaching them that our reactions and emotions are always a choice is something that Brock and I have worked hard to incorporate into our marriage and parenting.  It isn't easy to master within ourselves let alone teach to kids.  Many times we fail but in when we fail; we apologize, ask for forgiveness, and try to do better the next time.  The most humbling moments are when we have to go to our kids to apologize but this is what makes our bonds with them stronger.  (Ok that was my parenting tangent for the post)

Tomorrow, will bring a quiet day at home of planting our seeds in the morning, playing some games, and painting with "Mama's real paints" as H puts it. Maybe some baking as well.  We shall see.

Sunday! Sleeping a bit later (hopefully), CHURCH.  I am really excited for church.  I have missed it the past couple weeks as crazy sick virus with a fever got my 3 loves and I needed to care for them.  And then off to reunite with my Beloved once more at CVG!  I am ready to have him back and he has been gone just over 24 hours and will only be gone for 3 days. I know, I'm ridiculous; but that's my Love.

4: If You Ever Fly Solo

So to all the parents who read through to this point hear are my final thoughts:
If you are going to be flying Solo there are somethings that you should remember.

1. Switching roles with your significant other for some time can be really eye opening.  My SAHHubs/dad does far more in a day than I ever could at home in terms of keeping it clean/organized. And I wish I could accomplish 25% of what he does. I'm blessed.
2. HAVE A PLAN!  Know your kids schedules/routines/meds/meal plan. This will be beneficial for you and for them.
3. Do something that you don't normally get to do with them.  HAVE FUN!
4. Be flexible. Don't schedule every minute and have the time be overly exhausting for everyone.
5. If you are going to work on large transitions like the pacifier or potty training. Make sure you let your SO in on the deal.  They may have really good reasons as to why you should wait, ideas on what could help you succeed, or just need to be filled in on what they will be returning to when the roles flip back.


And truly if you have stayed with me to this point; from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU! Our time is precious.  I hope you enjoyed my musing for today. Blessings to you and yours.

Ordinary Dad or Something Much More?

Life can be pretty unpredictable! "If you don't stop to think about what is going on around you, it's possible to miss a Big door to walk through." Sorry, I was trying to tap into my inner Ferris Bueller (Opening Monologue- Cult Classic and you really should see it if you haven't). But truly I wondered had I put myself in a situation that would pigeon hole me as just that guy everyone knows as a dad who has chosen to stay at home with the kids full time?


I am very comfortable with this but there is so much more to me and what I am doing in this new position in life. Along with caring for my kids, I am cultivating a new community that has been untouched for decades. Rallying fathers around my city to come along side each other in raising children. Don't get me wrong; our wives, girl friends, and significant others, can be a huge help but having other dads to talk to is a resource that is overlooked. And the women in our lives just cannot fill in the gaps of brotherhood, camaraderie, and support like other father's can.

With the launch of the Cincinnati Dads Group and the momentum of interest when I talk to dads all over the city, to writing this blog with my beautiful, smart and creative wife there has been a pendulum swing that has taken place. Now there is a new view of what fathers can do to be influential in this time in the world.

See, fathers are more active in their kids lives than any other time in history. It is seen in advertising and on tv shows that dads are not bumbling fools who just provide the DNA to create a child and then sit back to only come off the sideline for discipline. But instead we have a voice to help our kids exceed in their endeavors even from a young age which brings me to current life happenings.

 



Back around Thanksgiving, it was announced that there would be a conference happening the first weekend of February in New Orleans called Dad 2.0 Summit. This summit brings together influential Fathers from around the globe to unite as Bloggers, YouTubers, Coaches of Fathers and Influencers.  The goal of the summit is to help folks get the opportunity to interact with brands/companies as well as to learn how to hone their craft of social media, advertisement and other topics.



One of my goals for the summit is to make connections with just a few of these companies.  Ideally, I would love the opportunity to form a long term partnership in Cincinnati with one or multiple companies and the Cincinnati Dads Group.  It is my desire to work on several volunteer projects with the fathers and with the support of a company/brand that could multiply our efforts significantly.  Improving the lives of dads, making my city a better place, raising my kids, and making  sure my marriage is in a healthy place are top priorities.        



I am privileged to have the ability to get to attend the Dad 2.0 Summit in about two weeks.  I am excited to walk through a door that will widen my view of how I as a Stay at Home Dad can support, connect, and serve fathers throughout the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky region and hopefully beyond.

One of the things that I keep reading while preparing for this adventure; is the importance of meeting with these companies/brands and that it is just as important to meet the other guys that I have only had the opportunity to talk to over social media. This trip feels reminiscent to a reunion of college friends you have not seen in person since graduation but get to hang with for a few days. As I thought about my limited time at the summit, I wrote out a list of the men I have been speaking with for the past 9 months and know are also attending in an attempt to meet each one.  I am sad to say the list is so long that I don't know if I will get to spend time everyone.

I never would have thought at age 38 I would be making new friends from all over the world and moving towards a new outlook on life that puts a title on what I am doing as an "Influencer and Pioneer." I am excited for this chance to step over the threshold and into the world of new possibilities for me and my family. So keep your eyes and ears open to things to come in the future because it is going to be an amazing journey.

Living at a Distance (States Away from Family)

2013 - Just after my son was born and

Grandma and Grandpa got to meet their 1st 

Grandchild. Told you I look like my Mama.

I grew up in a town of 900 people; a small farming community where everyone knew everyone.  As a 16 year old, working in the only gas station in our town, I often would have people come in and ask me if I was related to my mother and they would identify her by her maiden name.  (Yes, I look like my Mama and was the spitting image of her as a teen. Yes, She is beautiful).  Almost ALL of my immediate family lived within a 30 minute drive of our home.  I regularly saw my grandparents, great grandparents, 8 aunts/uncles + their spouses, and lots and lots of cousins.  Family was a regular part of our lives.  My parents always taught my 3 siblings and I that we needed to help each other out and be there for one another.  I got the sense that this was an important trait that they wanted to instill in us, however, it did not seem to be true between them and their siblings.

My hometown/county was a safe place to grow up but it also had it's downsides.  It was a very sheltered community filled mainly by white people, farms, and little opportunity.  If you got in trouble at school, your parents likely knew about it before you got home.  And gossip was the main form of leisure whether true or false.  Growing up in this environment, I often struggled personally as I wanted desperately to fit in, have friends and be a part of something.  That desire was never fulfilled. I always felt like an outsider looking in which lead to depression and loneliness.
So as that teenager I always new that I would not stay in my hometown.  I would graduate high school and go to college where I would find a better, new atmosphere to hopefully begin filling the canyons named relationship, acceptance, and deep friendship.

That is exactly what I did.  Over time, I found a school, moved to the BIG city, my first week here I met a man whom I would eventually marry and have two amazing kiddos with.  We fell in love with our city bought a home and have NO plans of moving.

This leads me to my topic and current contemplation.  I know that my story is similar to so many others.  My parents and 2 sisters still live in my home state (2 away from me), my brother is 5 states away and my husband's immediate family is one state away from us with his sister being about 7 states away.   There is absolutely no chance of us moving back to our hometowns as we would not find the community, support, church, or employment that we currently have.

Newest Nephew

But this leads to a MAJOR heart struggle when family events happen and you physically want to be there to support or participate but the miles between just don't allow. In the past couple of months, there have been a couple events that have really drawn my heart.

My mom severely broke her ankle, was in the hospital and had surgery.  My dad works full time at night.  My heart wants to be there to cook meals, do laundry, and take her to doctors if needed. The second event that happened is my sister gave birth to her second son.  He is beautiful.  My heart wants to go and snuggle him, bring his parents a meal and gift, care for his older brother and bless them. He has some medical concerns that they are figuring out but that adds a layer of stress and complication.  This also makes my heart yearn to be there so much more.

Love the Lil Squ

I am thankful that we have all of the different social media avenues to share our lives from a distance which makes it easier to stay connected. I am thankful for the ability to have video calls on different platforms. I am thankful for cell phones that make all of this possible. I am also thankful for family who are willing to come to visit us and that we have a home with plenty of room to accommodate multiple visitors.

Part of me mourns being able to get in the car, drive 15 minutes and see my family.  Proximity affords many luxuries and conveniences that I am missing today.  And my children are experiencing a FAR different upbringing than my own.  There have been many times that I wish I had my family close to physically make life easier (date nights, random emergency help, birthdays, picnics, day trips).

And His big Bro

On the flip side, I wouldn't change the life that I currently have as Living at a Distance also has many advantages.  I have learned to build up my community and have so many deep relationships that my heart is overflowing with peace, love, joy, belonging.  I call on my people for all my parenting needs and they know they can do the same for me.  We have become family in a very different and enriching way as well.  I am really blessed and thankful for all of my framily.

Living at a Distance is a challenge that I will continue to face. 

So the main options I have currently are thus:
1. I am planning a trip to visit my family. Cook a bunch of freezer meals, snuggle my little squish of a nephew and wrestle with his big brother a bit.
2. Attempt to support my family emotionally.
3. Attempt to support them financially if possible, though on one income this is a rare occasion.
4. Process my own emotions with my hubs and know that it will likely not get easier.

How do you deal with Living at a Distance? 
What is the hardest part for you?
What has helped you cope?

Brock and I would love to hear about your experiences as well.
Blessings in this adventure of Parenthood.
Be warm and well fed.
Corie

Losing with Dignity ...How to teach kids to be a good sport!

                                                         

I am starting to see that I need to step up my writing game. My Bread Winning Mama has great insight and perspective that is drawing in lots of views which is wonderful to see. Luckily, we are a team and not competing against each other.
With it being the holidays, if your home is anything like ours, game boards and cards come out and the family will be sitting around the table.  It's a time to enjoy each others company and conversation while trying to win the game of your choice. As an adult losing is a little easier to handle but can still be tough if there are those around who are sore losers. But as a parents it is important to teach our kids the fun and not so fun sides of playing games. I know for me, I was not always the most graceful loser when it came to competition. I still have things that I battle with but it's the mentality of grow up, learn from the mistakes and move on that keeps me going. However little children are not so quick to make this decision.

To give you a quick peak into my own recent competitive experience and being on the losing end of the game.  I was really hoping to win a scholarship to help cover the cost of a conference that I am attending in February in New Orleans called Dad 2.0.  I will be stepping more into the world of blogging as a stay at home dad and learning more about marketing/social media. I am excited for the conference so I put my name into a hat with many other people to get this $500 scholarship. After I filled out the application and waited for the announcement, I started having small panic attacks about if I would get this award. Sounds dumb, right? A grown man, worrying about getting this money when I have a wife telling me, "It does not matter if you get it or not you are going." "We will make it happen it is important for your job as a SAHD." Still I was on edge and even had a couple bad nights of sleep. When the announcement came I did not get the scholarship. I was disappointed and even reacted very negatively and had to take some time to cool off, sounds stupid but it was an internal battle that stems from childhood issues (yep those come up even at age 38). So it got me thinking about how we are teaching our kids to deal with losing and how to be a good sport.

The other, I sat down with Hezekiah (age 4 will be 5 in February) and we played a simple game of Go Fish. He loves playing games! He is constantly asking if I will sit down and play them with him, but he thinks that he is going to win every time. I have witnessed this a few times prior, but I finally had a chance to work with him one on one about how to be a good loser.  We played our first two rounds and I won both instances.  Losing the first round didn't seem to bother Hezekiah but the second rendered a more animated and emotional reaction to the loss.

So we stopped to talk about how to respond. I asked him how he felt, he said "I am not happy. I did not win, it makes me sad." I told him I understood that it is not fun to lose. But after the initial reaction he needed to be able to quickly come out of the negative and tell his opponent or friend that it was a good game. After that I told him that he could ask if they would like to play the game again, but I let him know that they may not choose to play again and that their response should be respected. He could however ask if they could play again soon.  After I explained this to him I gave H the chance to practice this by going through what we just talked about.
This was our conversation after He lost back to back games.

H: Man that stinks that I lost again, but good game papa.
Me: Thanks
H: Can we play another game?
Me: Sure bud lets play one more game

The next game he won. He was so excited and told me,

H: Sorry you lost papa, do you want to play another game?
Me: No thanks. We need to move on to other things today.
H: Ok well could we play again another time?
Me: That would be good.

Now don't get me wrong it is not always going to happen this way but building a foundation of how to react appropriately is so important for how to win and lose gracefully.  Just like teaching your child how to work on complex math problems, we have to teach our kids the basics before they can move onto the more complex issues.
Last point about why this is important is that not every kid who plays a game is going to win and everyone in life does not get a trophy nor should they need a trophy. All that does is breed a thought that everyone should get rewarded and that is not a reality of adulthood.