How to Respond to a Stay at Home Parent

With the upcoming release of the Incredibles 2 movie, I have been talking to people about how Mr. Incredible will be portrayed in his role as a stay at home dad, while ElastiGirl is out saving the day. This lead me to reflect on my personal interactions with others and the responses I have received when they hear "I am a stay at home dad."

The Scene: While out and about you meet a new person and you start talking about life and maybe even kids. Chit-chatting along then the inevitable question: "Where do you work?" or "What do you do for a living?" And of course the response: "I am stay at home mom/dad/parent."  The new acquaintance usually responds with the classic "Well, that must be nice to not have to go to work everyday." And there is the demoralizing statement about their work, that a stay at home dad cannot be seen as care giver to children, yet this would not be the reaction if this were a stay at home mom.

The response by those who are negative towards men staying home with the kids, have great impact. They are very discouraging and enraging to those how have taken on this role for the betterment of our family. Dads are just as qualified to care for their children as mom and as a stay at home dad and member of the National Stay at Home Dad Network, I have heard first hand stories from others about the responses they have received and have read about other dads going through this same situation.

Let me just say that if you meet a stay at home dad who is out with their kids whether it be at a store, park, zoo or any other public place understand a couple of things. First, the dad that you have just met is first and for most a human being. If you are a mother at the park please do not treat him as invisible, a creeper who you think is hitting on you by talking with you because their kid is playing with your kid. Be a grown adult and have a conversation. Oh and if you are a group of moms having a play date at the park and a dad and his kids come to the same place please don't round up the strollers and shun him and his kid because you have decided that because they are not part of your pack the they might cause some kind of devision. These are sad and real situations that dads deal with on a regular basis do to close mindedness. The second thing is the response, "Oh it must be nice", which is usually followed by "I would love to not go to a 9-5 job and get to spend the whole day watching cartoons and playing at the park". Some people even think that stay at home dads are lazy and just sit around a play video games all day long. Yeah right, its nice being at home all day with our kids(insert sarcasm). Not always, this job is by far the toughest job I have ever taken on. I am up by 7am maybe 8am if I am lucky, I get up and more times than not I am fixing the kids breakfast, putting in a load of laundry and then hopefully putting on some coffee for me and getting my breakfast together. When I was working, I would get up, my wife and I would work together to get the kids up and around and I would have all my things and leave for the day before my wife as she would drop them off at day care. See the difference? But I chose this lifestyle for our family because I see the importance of having a parent at home and we have the ability to make it happen. So yeah it all sounds nice right? Well, let me also point out that there are dads who stay at home because they have medical issues whether they be mental or physical that keep them from holding a job in the workforce. The background and reason these dads are staying at home should not matter to someone when they find this out because it is really non of their business. That is between the dad and the mother of the children and her confidence in him being able to help with the kids while mom is off at her 40 plus hour a week job bringing home the bacon to provide the necessary funds to feed, cloth and shelter the whole family. 

So in conclusion be a kind human being next time you are around a stay at home parent. And if you are a parent yourself remember we are all walking down the same path of life trying to raise our kids to be the best they can be. Lead by example and treat those dads you come into contact with as Men who have taken on a great role in their family that has typically been held by mom's for decades but with the great progression this country is experience is now allowing women to further their careers and giving dads the chance to step up and be a more active part of their kids lives.