Living at a Distance (States Away from Family)

2013 - Just after my son was born and

Grandma and Grandpa got to meet their 1st 

Grandchild. Told you I look like my Mama.

I grew up in a town of 900 people; a small farming community where everyone knew everyone.  As a 16 year old, working in the only gas station in our town, I often would have people come in and ask me if I was related to my mother and they would identify her by her maiden name.  (Yes, I look like my Mama and was the spitting image of her as a teen. Yes, She is beautiful).  Almost ALL of my immediate family lived within a 30 minute drive of our home.  I regularly saw my grandparents, great grandparents, 8 aunts/uncles + their spouses, and lots and lots of cousins.  Family was a regular part of our lives.  My parents always taught my 3 siblings and I that we needed to help each other out and be there for one another.  I got the sense that this was an important trait that they wanted to instill in us, however, it did not seem to be true between them and their siblings.

My hometown/county was a safe place to grow up but it also had it's downsides.  It was a very sheltered community filled mainly by white people, farms, and little opportunity.  If you got in trouble at school, your parents likely knew about it before you got home.  And gossip was the main form of leisure whether true or false.  Growing up in this environment, I often struggled personally as I wanted desperately to fit in, have friends and be a part of something.  That desire was never fulfilled. I always felt like an outsider looking in which lead to depression and loneliness.
So as that teenager I always new that I would not stay in my hometown.  I would graduate high school and go to college where I would find a better, new atmosphere to hopefully begin filling the canyons named relationship, acceptance, and deep friendship.

That is exactly what I did.  Over time, I found a school, moved to the BIG city, my first week here I met a man whom I would eventually marry and have two amazing kiddos with.  We fell in love with our city bought a home and have NO plans of moving.

This leads me to my topic and current contemplation.  I know that my story is similar to so many others.  My parents and 2 sisters still live in my home state (2 away from me), my brother is 5 states away and my husband's immediate family is one state away from us with his sister being about 7 states away.   There is absolutely no chance of us moving back to our hometowns as we would not find the community, support, church, or employment that we currently have.

Newest Nephew

But this leads to a MAJOR heart struggle when family events happen and you physically want to be there to support or participate but the miles between just don't allow. In the past couple of months, there have been a couple events that have really drawn my heart.

My mom severely broke her ankle, was in the hospital and had surgery.  My dad works full time at night.  My heart wants to be there to cook meals, do laundry, and take her to doctors if needed. The second event that happened is my sister gave birth to her second son.  He is beautiful.  My heart wants to go and snuggle him, bring his parents a meal and gift, care for his older brother and bless them. He has some medical concerns that they are figuring out but that adds a layer of stress and complication.  This also makes my heart yearn to be there so much more.

Love the Lil Squ

I am thankful that we have all of the different social media avenues to share our lives from a distance which makes it easier to stay connected. I am thankful for the ability to have video calls on different platforms. I am thankful for cell phones that make all of this possible. I am also thankful for family who are willing to come to visit us and that we have a home with plenty of room to accommodate multiple visitors.

Part of me mourns being able to get in the car, drive 15 minutes and see my family.  Proximity affords many luxuries and conveniences that I am missing today.  And my children are experiencing a FAR different upbringing than my own.  There have been many times that I wish I had my family close to physically make life easier (date nights, random emergency help, birthdays, picnics, day trips).

And His big Bro

On the flip side, I wouldn't change the life that I currently have as Living at a Distance also has many advantages.  I have learned to build up my community and have so many deep relationships that my heart is overflowing with peace, love, joy, belonging.  I call on my people for all my parenting needs and they know they can do the same for me.  We have become family in a very different and enriching way as well.  I am really blessed and thankful for all of my framily.

Living at a Distance is a challenge that I will continue to face. 

So the main options I have currently are thus:
1. I am planning a trip to visit my family. Cook a bunch of freezer meals, snuggle my little squish of a nephew and wrestle with his big brother a bit.
2. Attempt to support my family emotionally.
3. Attempt to support them financially if possible, though on one income this is a rare occasion.
4. Process my own emotions with my hubs and know that it will likely not get easier.

How do you deal with Living at a Distance? 
What is the hardest part for you?
What has helped you cope?

Brock and I would love to hear about your experiences as well.
Blessings in this adventure of Parenthood.
Be warm and well fed.
Corie