The Lost Art of the Compliment

My almost 5 year old son; unprompted, gave a lovely compliment to his 2yo sister while eating dinner.  It was a wonderfully sweet moment to witness.  He told her that he liked the shapes around the collar of her shirt.  He then proceeded to guide her in the proper response of "Thank you."

He looked at me and said: "It pleases you and Papa when I am kind to Ru."  I affirmed him!
#ProudMamaMoment #BeStillMyHeart #StayThatSweet

I was very impressed that he took notice of a small detail, gave his sister a genuine sweet compliment knowing that he would likely not even receive an unprompted thank you from her, and then understood that this was a kind thing to do.  He will be 5, in a month and a half.  If such a young boy can demonstrate this simple art, then why is it lacking in so many adults today?

I have been milling over Compliments for a while now.  My personality is one that is encouraged and boosted by words of affirmation.  I am also very much an introvert/internal processor and while I do not shout to the world like a peacock "Hey look at me in all my glory." That is exactly what I am screaming on the inside. I crave others to notice and respond in appropriate ways.

The noticing and responding could be in many different avenues and I will just briefly give you a some examples.

1. An unexpected compliment about my recent unintentional weight loss.  The compliment came from the husband of one of my best friends.  I consider this man to be like a brother and a gentleman.  The compliment was genuine, sincere, and kind.  He had no agenda behind his words other than to speak the trust of what he saw and believed.  He told me I looked amazing and had slimmed down quite a bit.

2. I work as a customer service associate taking inbound phone calls for a large company.  I pride myself in providing the BEST service that I can and the type of service that I would want to receive if I were the client.  Recently, I had a client at the beginning of the day who had a complex issue.  I could have provided her with information of the next steps to get the issue resolved, however, I chose to own the issue and worked with the client for the next couple days until everything was completed.  The client thanked me and complimented me on the dedication to helping her.

3. I am a Full Time Working Mama so when I am home and do things around the house I appreciate when my husband and kids notice and simply say Thank You.

Having said this, I am also one to speak out the things that I notice and attempt to encourage wherever I am able as well.  It is a two way street after all. :-)

I make it a point to regularly tell others around me if I think they look nice, compliment their hair cut, tell them that I like that tie/shirt/shoes, or provide positive feedback about an interaction that I witnessed.  I want to be a bright spot in a person's day.

I was in a conversation at work with woman colleague of mine and we were discussing compliments as she had also noticed my weight loss and said that my face looks thinner.  We talked about the fact that Compliments; true, genuine, authentic, compliments, unattached to an agenda especially if focus on appearance are few and far between in the younger generations and extremely lacking from social media as well as the workplace.

Our main conclusions were thus:
1. No one is teaching the value of a compliment to children.
2. 20 - 30 somethings were not taught how to compliment someone without expecting something in return (such as a compliment in return or something more).
3. Sexual Harassment of any kind is not tolerated and therefore people steer clear of anything that could be linked afraid of implications or accusations. (Cat calls and one liners are harassment not compliments).
4. We are likely too distracted/busy to give a compliment.
5. We are selfish beings who just don't care or don't think about others.
6. It takes effort and we don't want to put in the energy.
7. And it is the same mentality from women as it is from men.

So my pondering to you...
Would my observations be true of your work/home life?
Do you see less compliments being given?
Do you believe it is due to the reasons I have listed above?
If so, how are we going to change this for the next generation?

I am going to continue to affirm Hezekiah, Ruby, Brock, and anyone else who gives a compliment or encouragement to keep it up.  It is not always easy but it really does bring a spark of light to someone's day.