Making Changes to Avoid the Rage Monster...

BW Mama Here once again.

After my post last night and a really sore foot today; I realized a few things.
1. I miss writing. (I completed a masters in 2012.)
2. It was really cathartic.
3. I like words.
4. It helps me process.

Brock and I have an amazing marriage and parent in similar ways (however it is far from perfect). Often times we balance one another and challenge each other when we see a parenting move that needs changed or improved.  This has happened quite frequently as of late.

In the past few months we have been struggling.

Hezekiah (Hez a Ki ah) our 4yo is driving us nuts and to points of frustration pushing the brink of rage. Rage is not an emotion that should be unleashed on any child and yet they somehow draw it out of normally even keel adults. It is some crazy awful result of parent/child relationship that is triggered by many different things such as lack of communications skills, listening ability, or just simply personality differences.

H is a very smart, articulate, at times manipulative, and energetic amazing boy. He loves serving, spending time with family, doing chores, playing with/caring for his sister and so much more. Oh and TALKING ALL THE TIME!!! He gets that from Brock. We love him deeply. We are very blessed to have him as our son.

And yet he pulls out the rage in both of us at different times.  Again, he doesn't deserve the rage that boils out from deep within.  It comes from a combination of emotions: pure wits end, anger that the kid isn't does what you want, annoyance that you have had the same interaction for the millionth time, frustration of not knowing how to get through, hitting the brick wall over and over and over again. 

Personally, I hate the rage monster within and I am the only one who can control it.  I have to chose a different avenue/response. With enough pursuit, I will conquer this monster. Before I can, I am going to be humble before my son, repent, and ask for his forgiveness for all the times I have let the rage control me. And talk to him about how to work together to make things better for our entire family.

The rage monster is commonly triggered during meal time: How do you get a 4 yo to eat a meal (that he likes, that he chose) in a reasonable amount of time 30-60 min max. How do you get them to obey, stop talking, and eat their food.

We have tried so much and nothing seems to work. Currently, we set time limits, take away the food, take away privileges, and we are attempting to NOT use Nap and Bedtime routines as punishment/reward as that is a hard enough time of day why stack the deck against ourselves.

So Brock and I literally took 10 minutes to discuss what to do next. Here is what we have come up with. Since our current methods are not working and seem inconsistent between Brock, myself, and lets be honest the time of day/situation. We have to find a way to do discipline better.

So our action steps:

1. We are going to have a family meeting. With the help of H, we are going to write out the expectations for mealtime, listening and obeying, and any other problem areas that we can think of during the meeting. If the expectations are not met, then the consequence will result. ex: time out, activity taking away etc. If the expectations are met, stickers earned. Earn enough stickers get a "big" treat TBD. 

Side benefit - when the child does get in trouble the family rules take the hit not "mean Mama and Papa"

2. We are setting up a new reward system in the form of a sticker chart. While this is a simple idea we have not used it in our home up to this point, however, in a two minute interaction at church H responded really well to this technique for memorizing scripture.


Hopefully, these small changes will show great progress. We would love to hear your thoughts on our changes and if you have any ideas please share. 

After all, we really have no clue what we are doing and it is all trial and error. #Parenting
Hope you are warm and well fed.

BWMama Signing off for now.

P.S. - I will attempt to remember to post pictures of our chart/rules once they are complete or ask Brock to do so.

BW Mama's Thank You...

On 10/10/2017 I went under the knife to have an accessory navicular removed from my right foot. 

Ok, Wait. I should probably introduce myself a bit before unfolding my story as I know there are several new people hanging out with my Beloved husband Brock.

My name is Corie and I am the bread winning Mama half of this blog.  I will more than likely be the strong somewhat visible cheerleader support system behind my amazing husband who raises our two beautifully, fantastically, frustrating, curious, make your heart melt, little beings we call offspring.

I work full time in the financial industry and I thrive is the work environment.  I am an introvert at heart and I have always told my husband that I would never make a good stay at home mama.  I need forced, consistent interaction and intellectual challenges to keep me motivated/sane/healthy/sharp/engaged(not sure what the best word is there but all apply).  If I had to be a SAHM, I would fall into the pits of depression, our home would be a disaster, and I would resent my husband as he would get to leave the house each day to interact with adults.  So last year when multiple doors were closing Brock stepped up in a GIANT way to love me and our kids and became a stay at home dad.  (Our kids call him Papa.)  This decision was made easier by two other contributing factors: a. Brock from the beginning of our marriage has said "I wouldn't mind being a SAHD" and b. my income was significantly better and I was better suited in my position to advance than he was.

All of this is say we have been enjoying our new roles since March and it has been touch as the transitions continue.  It is also very exciting to see my husband daily raising our kiddos.  I am thankful they are with him!  Brock is an extrovert and has to be in community even if those people are complete strangers (not for long).

So I digress back to surgery.  You are probably thinking what the H*88 is an accessory navicular.  Basically, I had an extra bone connected to the large tendon going from the inside of my right foot up my leg and it was painful.  The doc took it out (The Kidner Procedure) and for the past 7 weeks I have been in a plaster splint and 2 different casts; unable to walk, crutching or knee scooting everywhere I went, being chauffeured around whenever necessary, and an emotional ball of basket case/cabin fever/captive.  My Beloved, now had to take care of 2yo, 4yo, and gimp wifey on short term disability.

Brock, also, has been babysitting a 1yo and 3yo on Tuesday and Thursday's for a bit of extra income. Driving Uber whenever possible to gain income and have a break from the 3 needies at home.
Working diligently to get our blog back up and running.
Organized meet up's for Dad's.
Bible study each week, serving at church, leader of our family.
Late night ER run because the 4yo cut his lip on the floor (don't ask-3 stitches)
And lets not forget the millions of loads of laundry, dishes, meals cooked, and items that he has brought me because well I straight up couldn't walk.

My Beloved is AMAZING to say the very least. So Why do I tell you all of this?

As the one who leaves the house every day to go to my job, I understand that Brock's JOB is raising Hezekiah and Ruby and he doesn't get the clock off EVER!  I am beyond grateful to my Beloved for his willingness to do all that he does without complaint.  I told him recently that I go to meetings for my job and if the opportunity arose I would travel as well.  Brock deeply desires to be able to go to DadCon and Dad 2.0 etc. I see the passion in his eyes, hear it in his voice. I know his disappointment when I tell him that the budget just doesn't work with traveling.

This is what makes me more determined to make it work. I deeply LOVE (agape) my Beloved and want to at a drop of any mention to say yes.  So that is what I did recently.  Highjacked his facebook, talked to some powers that be, searched for and booked a flight and said you ARE traveling for YOUR JOB. It is a gift that I will not get to see enjoyed in person but know Brock will return to me filled up, energized, encouraged, and he will talk my leg off for a week about his "work travels."  He will learn new skills, meet people in person that he has connected with via social media (thank you technology) and experience a new city. I can't wait!

And soon enough, the shoe will be on the other foot as I will be caring for Brock after he has some medical concerns taken care of.  I pray I am as patient with him as he was with me.

I am deeply thankful to City Dad's Group for the support they have given my husband.
Thankful, to the local Dad's who somehow got connect to my crazy Red Bearded guy.
Thankful, to the one SAHD we knew before ever considering making this reality (David).
Thankful, for our church and all of the support they have given.
And Thankful most of all to Jesus for the guidance in all we do.

Brock, I love you and am thankful I get to do this crazy thing called life by your side. I wouldn't have it any other way. 

If you made it through to this point... Thanks for reading.  Many Blessings. 
Until Next time.
BWMama
Corie-ander

Board Games are not what they used to be....

     

Last Wednesday there was a meeting of kids and Dads in Northern Kentucky at the house of a very cool dad in the Nerd World. Andy is a Stay At Home Dad of two very energetic little boys. They are all about having fun and during the warmer months can be found out on playgrounds and trails leaving all in the dust who try to follow. But in the colder months the collection of Andy's board games becomes king. See he has a wall of board games that would make most fall to their knees in worship. I myself love a good game of ticket to ride or Catan, but this collection goes much deeper than those games. He has some grew games for kids that have already hit my list of games I want to buy for my kids. Even though I grew up in the days of candyland, shoots and ladders and trouble I am finding that the games that are less of a board and more of dice and imagination and strategy that will also help to shape some great memories.

At the event on Wednesday there were 4 kids that ranged from ages 3-6 and their dads and we all had a blast playing games like Feed the Kitty, Flickem' Up, Animals upon Animals and the classic Hungry, Hungry Hippos. In between those games the kids would break away to the play room downstairs allowing the dads a chance to have some adult conversations about our lives.

     
                  

The next big event going on will be at the William Howard Taft Art museum. We were invited to come down on Dec.7th for an arts and crafts time from 11:15am-12:15pm. If you are interested in join check out the meet up event page.
https://www.meetup.com/CincinnatiDadsGroup/events/245271854/ 

Cincinnati Dads Have a New Meetup!

Hello Dads of Cincinnati, Northern Kentucky and Dayton welcome to the only all inclusive dads group. We are made up of Straight dads, Single Dads, Gay Dads and Trans Dads who are looking for ways to meet up and have a good time, whether that be with the kids in toe or just a Dads Night Out (DNO).

We schedule meet up on the platform
https://www.meetup.com/CincinnatiDadsGroup/ which everyone is encouraged to sign up and join, it costs nothing to join a group and you will only get an email when an event it set up. We also have a closed group on Facebook and there are Instagram and Twitter accounts that can be followed.

This blog will be a place to find great conversations about what is going on in the group and also will be a partnership writing project that will be contributed upon by my Bread Winning Mama aka my Wife. Who without her this would not even be a possibility. To be a Stay at Home Dad and Organizer of this Group of Dads is something that I have had great interest and with the help of many dads was able to launch this group.