Brock and I were very excited and a bit scared of the unknown that comes with becoming parents for the first time but now our little peanut is with the Lord. I had some concerning signs in my 11 week of pregnancy and before going into freak out mode I called a wonderful friend and momma of 3 who said it could be nothing but it could be very important. So I called the doctor and she said to come into the office the next day. The doc did an informal ultrasound and could not see the baby very easily but also stated that she could not see a heartbeat either. She then sent Brock and I to Christ Hospital for a Formal ultrasound where it was confirmed that our little one had passed.
Brock and I were crushed. My boss immediately gave me the week off when she found out what happened and Brock's found someone to cover his shift for the day and then the time was ours. Neither one of us wanted to go home just yet so we went and had lunch at Panera. It was so very good for him and I to have some time together in a public place. We were able to hold back some of the emotion while at the same time talk about the news we had received. We then began the process of calling our families and friends and sharing the disappointing news. EVERYONE was so supportive in how they responded; many prayed, many cooked meals, brought flowers, and gave hugs, sent cards, and some sent money so that Brock could take me home to see my family.
Throughout this whole process Brock and I have had a peace about the death of our baby. We know that God is good and has his reasons for taking our little one. June 21, 2010 was emotionally exhausting but we are doing extremely well. We were able to get a picture and will be honoring and remembering our first child. I know that God is faithful and will eventually bless us again with a bundle of Joy. Brock and I will also be reunited with our Baby in Heaven where one day our entire family will be complete once more. We are EXTREMELY grateful to all of our friends and family for the tremendous amount of support and understanding. The Lord is blessings us even through this sad time (The storm on that morning was perfect timing as I love storms and it coincided with the process of the day).
That wednesday, I had an emergency D and C to remove all of the tissue that was within and have been recovering ever since. It is incredibly difficult to loose a babe before you ever get to hold it, but dealing with the after effects are so much more difficult. I (Corie) am now a mother but not in the traditional format. And Brock a father too. I am yearning for the time of recovery/physical healing to be over as I greatly desire to be close to my husband. I am also so saddened at times when I think of our babe and then hear that others are pregnant and experiencing the Joys and I yearn for the babe I never got to meet. It will continue to be a process of healing.
I return to the doc for a check up to make sure that I have recovered properly which if all is well will be a HUGE milestone in this process. And eventually (most likely sooner rather than later) Brock and I will begin the to enjoy our marriage fully and receive a blessing of a child.
I hope for those of you reading this that it is clear. And I want to Thank everyone again for all the love and prayers. Brock and I appreciate them more than we can ever express.
Blessings to Each and every one of you.
Corie
